In a nutshell: Middle and high school sucked. College started out great, started to suck, got better, you know how the whole roller coaster bit goes. But in the end, I find myself truly appreciating some of the choices I've made, even though I can't say there aren't regrets. Fuck all that bullshit about "Oh no, I wouldn't change anything at all because everything in my past made me what I am." Hell no. You're all a bunch of fucking liars when you say that. Everyone, at some point, wishes they had done SOMETHING different, because there is always something that changed that person for the worse. Again, I digress from my original point; it's just that the writer in me is wanting to go off on every little tangent, you know, let the words flow.
But here it is: I realize now that I truly lucky I am to have such a good life.
First and foremost, I've got amazing parents that truly love me and my sister, for better or worse, and will always be there for both of us. And even better, both of them are absolutely kick ASS people, because they're not only my parents but my friends. Lately I've been enlightened as to how some families are, the stressed conditions that hold them together, and if there were only one thing that ever made me thank any God there may be, it's that I was lucky enough to not be one of the poeple under those circumstances.
My schedule this Spring is hectic. Even though I only have to be in class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it will probably be a draining semester. A weight-training workout in the morning at 8, then four English classes back-to-back: American Lit (6 novels to read), Intro to Linguistics, Film and Lit (5 novels to read), and Advanced Technical Writing, ending at 3:15. But I think I can handle it; I like to write and when I can keep my short attention span in check I like to read. No more tests, at the very least, and that's a freaking Godsend, since Physics kinda fucked my world up last semester. But I knew what I was getting into when I registered, and I'm all over this thing like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm.
I used to think that I didn't have many friends. I would try to count them and find myself wondering if this person or that person really qualified, and (here's the problem) I'd eventually decide yes or no. And how many 'no's were there? Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. But I was stupid in not realizing that friendships, though oftentimes fragile, are not something that can be created as easily as they can be destroyed. I think about it now and I see that I've actually got too many friends to count, because in part, I stopped trying so hard (oh, the wonders that works) and because I eventually forgot to keep count. The people in my life that really keep me sane, that I can say merit the word friend....there's a lot. Darnell, Vanessa, Matt, Prisca, Miranda, Chris, Tirkin, Mike, other Mike, Dan, Hillary, Lisa, Annie, Audy, Chase, Marco, Julia, Mabel, Zack. People that don't let you down when the chips are down. People that I can trust, rely on when I need them. Those are the people that matter and these are the people I would do damn near anything for. Thanks to each of you for your graces.
And speaking of Chris and Miranda and Tirkin, let's just add a little bit about how great it is to live with these guys. They're great room-mates and I'm really, REALLY glad that we all ended up under one roof. Here's to hoping it stays this way for as long as possible. :)
Someone's probably feeling a little left out, and there's no reason for it. Remember when Rachel was about to leave for Paris and she didn't say good-bye to Ross? 'It was too hard', she said, after he pulled his jackass card out of his back pocket. Something like that. Well, this is almost the same thing. For the first time in my life I've got someone that truly, genuinely loves me for everything I already am. She thinks I'm perfect even though sometimes I forget to call, and sometimes I go play poker at bad times, and sometimes I don't have anything to say, and sometimes I can't take her out because I procrastinated on my homework (and guess what I'm doing right now?), and sometimes I make a joke that pushes buttons a little too far, and sometimes I say no (I'm working on that one the most), and sometimes I'm just tired and don't want to do stuff. I tell her I'm far from perfect, but she doesn't care. She wants to be with me because she loves me and it's an amazing feeling. Even now, simply writing about it I can't help but smile. For the first time in my life someone has taken the time to fall in love with ME, and I couldn't be happier. And again, it happened almost as soon as I stopped trying to force it. For the first time in my life, I love someone too, and I love her for who she is, just like she does me. Mandy, I would kiss you right now if you were here.
I've got a good job and I'm considering picking up another. For the first time in my life, I have the potential to become independent from my parents. As amazing and as willing to help me as they are, I will be twenty-one in a month and I can't continue letting them pay all my bills. I've got quite a bit of money saved from my time at Buffalo Wild Wings and if I can find a job at Niko's or at Longhorns, surely I can duplicate. If I get my head on straight and take care of my business as it comes up, the world is my oyster.
And I can't wait to crack that son of a bitch.