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I might even eat it raw [01.19.2008 | 04:15 hours]
[ mood  |  grateful ]

My life has had its share of suck. I can't say that it's had more than I deserve, because it definitely hasn't; on the whole, my life has been comparatively great, since there are about (what's eighty percent of six billion?) 4.8 billion people that most definitely have it worse. But anyway, I understand this, and I still think my claim that I have had some low points is a valid one.

In a nutshell: Middle and high school sucked. College started out great, started to suck, got better, you know how the whole roller coaster bit goes. But in the end, I find myself truly appreciating some of the choices I've made, even though I can't say there aren't regrets. Fuck all that bullshit about "Oh no, I wouldn't change anything at all because everything in my past made me what I am." Hell no. You're all a bunch of fucking liars when you say that. Everyone, at some point, wishes they had done SOMETHING different, because there is always something that changed that person for the worse. Again, I digress from my original point; it's just that the writer in me is wanting to go off on every little tangent, you know, let the words flow.

But here it is: I realize now that I truly lucky I am to have such a good life.

First and foremost, I've got amazing parents that truly love me and my sister, for better or worse, and will always be there for both of us. And even better, both of them are absolutely kick ASS people, because they're not only my parents but my friends. Lately I've been enlightened as to how some families are, the stressed conditions that hold them together, and if there were only one thing that ever made me thank any God there may be, it's that I was lucky enough to not be one of the poeple under those circumstances.

My schedule this Spring is hectic. Even though I only have to be in class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it will probably be a draining semester. A weight-training workout in the morning at 8, then four English classes back-to-back: American Lit (6 novels to read), Intro to Linguistics, Film and Lit (5 novels to read), and Advanced Technical Writing, ending at 3:15. But I think I can handle it; I like to write and when I can keep my short attention span in check I like to read. No more tests, at the very least, and that's a freaking Godsend, since Physics kinda fucked my world up last semester. But I knew what I was getting into when I registered, and I'm all over this thing like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm.

I used to think that I didn't have many friends. I would try to count them and find myself wondering if this person or that person really qualified, and (here's the problem) I'd eventually decide yes or no. And how many 'no's were there? Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. But I was stupid in not realizing that friendships, though oftentimes fragile, are not something that can be created as easily as they can be destroyed. I think about it now and I see that I've actually got too many friends to count, because in part, I stopped trying so hard (oh, the wonders that works) and because I eventually forgot to keep count. The people in my life that really keep me sane, that I can say merit the word friend....there's a lot. Darnell, Vanessa, Matt, Prisca, Miranda, Chris, Tirkin, Mike, other Mike, Dan, Hillary, Lisa, Annie, Audy, Chase, Marco, Julia, Mabel, Zack. People that don't let you down when the chips are down. People that I can trust, rely on when I need them. Those are the people that matter and these are the people I would do damn near anything for. Thanks to each of you for your graces.

And speaking of Chris and Miranda and Tirkin, let's just add a little bit about how great it is to live with these guys. They're great room-mates and I'm really, REALLY glad that we all ended up under one roof. Here's to hoping it stays this way for as long as possible. :)

Someone's probably feeling a little left out, and there's no reason for it. Remember when Rachel was about to leave for Paris and she didn't say good-bye to Ross? 'It was too hard', she said, after he pulled his jackass card out of his back pocket. Something like that. Well, this is almost the same thing. For the first time in my life I've got someone that truly, genuinely loves me for everything I already am. She thinks I'm perfect even though sometimes I forget to call, and sometimes I go play poker at bad times, and sometimes I don't have anything to say, and sometimes I can't take her out because I procrastinated on my homework (and guess what I'm doing right now?), and sometimes I make a joke that pushes buttons a little too far, and sometimes I say no (I'm working on that one the most), and sometimes I'm just tired and don't want to do stuff. I tell her I'm far from perfect, but she doesn't care. She wants to be with me because she loves me and it's an amazing feeling. Even now, simply writing about it I can't help but smile. For the first time in my life someone has taken the time to fall in love with ME, and I couldn't be happier. And again, it happened almost as soon as I stopped trying to force it. For the first time in my life, I love someone too, and I love her for who she is, just like she does me. Mandy, I would kiss you right now if you were here.

I've got a good job and I'm considering picking up another. For the first time in my life, I have the potential to become independent from my parents. As amazing and as willing to help me as they are, I will be twenty-one in a month and I can't continue letting them pay all my bills. I've got quite a bit of money saved from my time at Buffalo Wild Wings and if I can find a job at Niko's or at Longhorns, surely I can duplicate. If I get my head on straight and take care of my business as it comes up, the world is my oyster.

And I can't wait to crack that son of a bitch.

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[10.19.2007 | 02:51 hours]
Nobody has ever fallen in love with me before. I don't know what to tell you. You are amazing, you are truly special, but I just don't know what to say back. I would kiss you to fill the space, but it would only make it feel more empty. And I feel your tears on my chest and I know that I've hurt you, and that's the last thing I could ever want. I don't like to burden people with my pain because I feel that everyone has their own fair share already. That's why I also don't like to hurt people, especially someone so close to my heart. You must have had enough pain already, your own burdens to carry, and then some bull-headed dumbass like me goes and gives fuel to the fire.

I read your letter. I glanced at your glasses, that you left here when you walked out, still stuttering under your breath as the tears fell down your cheeks. I felt like I was being stabbed. Someone's twisting the knife that I feel like I shoved into you. Oh yeah. I did the stabbing. That's what's scary. I want to apologize, but I can't because all we can hope to be in this world is honest. I wish I could take it back, that I could make the pain you're feeling disappear, but what's done is done and I know that you'll be all right. I know just how strong of a person you are. I also know that I don't know anything.

I read your letter. I can't help but wonder to myself what you were thinking when you wrote it. I don't think I deserve it all. But that doesn't matter; what you think matters. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. But I wish you had stayed the night. I wish we could have slept here together one more night. It would have cleared my head. I can think clearly when I wake up next to you. Maybe that's a sign?
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[03.22.2007 | 08:21 hours]
[ mood  |  mellow ]

So I definitely woke up thirteen minutes before being due at work. Got up, saw that it was 7:47, uttered several words that aren't appropriate to write here (namely "fuck shit godammit cunt ass whorez"), changed my shirt, got a Dr. Pepper from the fridge (successfully did not wake up my roomie who was crashed on the couch), and walked out the door. And I'm feelin' fine. Yay for adrenaline and sugar.

Life update? Yeah sure, why not. Most of the people that don't have LJs know this, except mah seester: I'm probably changing my major. Well, there's no "probably" anymore, I'm changing the whore. Get this: I might change it to Physics. Say what you want, but the more I hear about in my Space Science class, the more I think to myself, "Omoshiroi ne..." (or "Hmmm, interesting..." for you non-enlightened people). Haha this coming from a guy that said he didn't wanna be a lawyer 'cause he's too lazy. I crack myself up sometimes no shuddup I really do.

And the rest of my life is hunkey-dorey. Cool friends, goodtimes, and Hu-Dat every now and then. S'right, bitches, Hu-Dat. You walk in and they're all "HU-DAT?!"

Or at least I wish they did. They're Vietnamese, so it probably won't happen. But it's still funny.

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Taste of Chaos [03.05.2007 | 16:17 hours]
[ mood  |  pleased ]

In the words of Cocoa: number and severity of injuries are the best indicators of a good show. So between the fucked-up shoulder, the tense neck, the bruise on my back, the compacted lungs, and the right ear that has been ringing abso-fucking-lutely non-stop for two days, I'd say it was a pretty damn good show.

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Sitting at work [02.21.2007 | 16:05 hours]
...musing. Yay for boring alone time. I've got a test tomorrow and a test on Friday, and I could be studying for either one at the moment, but meh. It's not like school's important or anything. On the other hand, I do pay a large sum of money for school.

I'll get around to it later.

So the birfday's coming up, only two more days. Hopefully I can get the apartment relatively clean before I have half the university there hanging out on Friday night. At least I've finished my Ethics paper.

I kind of wish there was something to write that people would care about reading but there isn't. So I guess I'll just click the little 'post' button and continue on MyWhoreSpaceing it.
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It's official [01.30.2007 | 21:16 hours]
[ mood  |  lethargic ]

I'm really beginning to hate Computer Science. Like hate hate. I no longer derive any sense of pleasure from coding, not even really any "Yay" when I've finished an entire program or just managed to debug a particularly nasty error. It's boring as hell and it doesn't help that the programs they're having us write are completely pointless on their own. I mean I know that we have to learn to do basic shit first, but come on. Converting Roman Numerals to integers. Suck my dick.

In other news, the job is going well. It's easy and relatively fun, the people I work with all kick ass and it's very laid back. Sometimes I wanna reach through the phone and strangle the fuckwit on the other line, but that's neither here nor there.

I've also decided that I need to put more effort into making new (repeat NEW) friends. There's nothing wrong with the ones I have mind you, they all rock my socks off (shout out to Darnell, Vanessa, Miranda, Kirstin, Sean, and David especially) but I've been spending too much time holed up in my room playing FFXII. But I can at least blame Darnell for that.

Hm so my dad and sister's birthdays are coming up, I need to get on that, and then my birthday is Feb 23rd. So Darnell and I are gonna be kickin back drinkin' Malibutés on that Friday night and then on Saturday I'm going home to spend some time with the family. My sister'll be home that week so that'll be nice.

Fuck me sideways, Zack (as in Shannon) is getting married. And I effin' got trapped into going to the wedding. THIS FREAKIN' SATURDAY. Son of a bitch, I had things I wanted to do.

Like stay holed up playing FFXII.

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Your mom wants to kiss me [12.12.2006 | 19:07 hours]
[ mood  |  < /pwnage > ]

So I totally got an A in Economics, English, AND Psychology. And a B in Poli Sci.

Yup. She wants me. Tell her I'll drop by around 8; you kids might wanna leave the house.

< rockin' a 3.6 >

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Here it is. Everything you could ever want to know. [11.28.2006 | 17:56 hours]
The Legend
Chuck Norris. The man, the myth, the legend. The chuck. The man who did your mum last night. The most tedious meme in history. And self proclaimed member of The Seal Club.
When you think of Chuck Norris, you either immediately think action movie star (recalling his numerous feature films), "tedious internet meme" (recalling his numerous Flash animations) or television star, for his long-running CBS television series, "Walker, Texas Ranger.", which was entirely based on his life story.
But prior to that, Chuck was a martial arts porn star, winning many martial arts championships including being a six-time undefeated World Professional Middle-Weight Karate Champion. Chuck was also a renowned teacher in the martial arts. Some of his students were Steve McQueen, Steve Irwin, Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley and Donnie & Marie Osmond.
From 1964 to 1968, Chuck won many State, National, and International amateur karate titles, unfortunately, taking many lives in the process. In 1968, Chuck fought and won the World Professional MiddleWeight Karate championships by defeating the World's Top Fighters, which included Batman, Superman, Big Boss, Tintin, Popeye, Shaq, Aaron Carter, Stalin, you name it, he beat them. He held that title until 1974 when he got pwned by Gandalf, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Rangers, Bill S. Preston, Ted Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Hello Kitty, Doctor Octopus with a Glock, and Hulk Hogan, not to mention Dick Cheney with a double barreled shotgun. However, he survived, and managed to hunt down and kill them all (except Dick Cheney, who gave him enormous Haliburton stock options). Now Chuck Norris mostly spends his time doing various things, on his ranch with his family, saving the universe from various foes, smoking crack, helping charities, endangering the world himself, and beating up anybody who pisses him off, which happens a lot. He is also kept busy running his own country Chuckland.
In his spare time, he loves to train. He has various training methods available to him. One of his lesser known methods is dinosaur wrestling. Chuck commissioned the world's greatest scientists for his personal dinosaur cloning lab. Every Wednesday, Chuck clones a dinosaur just to kill it. His methods of death for these dinosaurs are wide and wonderful. For a warm up, Chuck does speed bag training on the balls of the newly created dinosaur. Then it's a few hours of punishing training (for the poor dinosaur). After that he uses his razor sharp knifehand to slit the throat of the dinosaur. It's pretty standard fare for a Wednesday training session.

Early Life
Not much is known about Chuck Norris' childhood before his legendary roundhouse kick came alive, either because anyone around during that time is dead or biographers asking Chuck Norris himself about his childhood have died for some reason. The truth is, Chuck Norris was a shy individual, who was often tormented for his Irish-Cherokee-Korean-Japanese-Jiu Jitsu-Jedi background.
Historians and scientists believe that Chuck Norris let his anger build up inside of him until the world's gravitational power could no longer support him, resulting in a massive hurricane that flooded the Earth.

Chuck norris invented the C-section by round house kicking his way out of his mom. He was born with a 6 foot penis named "6 feet of fun". He then sued highly acclaimed bubble-gum-in-a-plastic-container company, Bubble Tape , for 10 million dollars for stealing his penis' name.
Chuck Norris got a license to kill at age 2 and got his first ford 1500 truck when he was 4 , where he lead cops on a high speed chase up Mt. Everest. It was rumored that Chuck Norris trained with ninjas for 18 years and returned to Texas under the identity of Walker, Texas Ranger. Under this identity he fought over 20,000 men in 1,800 different barns and arrested more then 700 crime bosses.
Personal Life
Chuck Norris unfortunately does not have much time for a personal life. Making sensual love to thousands of women a day while battling various titans and causing other forms of chaos does not leave him any time to enjoy the finer things in life or simply have fun like a normal person. Chuck Norris enjoys spending extra free time eating small hawaiian snacks off naked girls, lounging in an acid spa and sipping anti-Q's from extra-large radiator compressor tanks.
Chuck Norris managed to fix this problem when he discovered that all he had to do was threaten father time that he would kill him and his family if he didn’t give Chuck more time. Now Chuck himself decides what time it is, and is free to go bowling with his friends, have sex with his own wife, do some work around the ranch, kill some grues, repopulate endangered species, hunt endangered species, and when he has time, and go visit his friend God and have their bi-monthly arm wrestling tournament, which God has yet to win. Jesus is next.
He is also undisputed leader of own his own country, Spain II: The Revenge. Primarily a POW camp, then turned into a country by Franco, a childhood enemy of Chuck Norris. Norris decided one day he wanted his own country to begin his World Domination, so he smashed the gates to the country and killed all the Nazis inside with his bare hands, doing this whilst he was talking on his mobile phone to order a pizza to be delivered for his victory. He threw everyone out who had a bicep diameter of less than 30cm (12 in) and started his own race of superhumans.

Chuck Norris has a wide variety of attacks and signature moves. A list is as follows.
- Roundhouse Kick: The most deadly attack in his arsenal and his personal favorite, but not favourite because Chuck Norris doesn't tolerate so-called "British spelling". The attack has many strange properties, as the effect of the attack seems to be what ever he wants it to be, whether it gives lives or takes lives is all up to him.
- Kung Fu Grip: While his trademark Roundhouse Kick is a physical and philosophical mystery to any who have taken one in the face, his Kung Fu Grip is a simpler technique whose power is capable of destroying entire worlds. However, he only uses it to crush his foes into burger meat, which is his preferred kind.
- Tender Lips: Chuck Norris has the most tender lips which could make all women within a ten mile radius orgasm ten times over. However, Chuck Norris is incapable of love, so the gesture is one-sided. And if Chuck Norris sees a woman react to his lips, he'll roundhouse kick her orgasm back in to avoid any misunderstanding. It is known that every woman who has ever kissed Chuck Norris has had their teeth broken from the sheer impact of his beard.
- Staring: When Chuck Norris does not want to do a Roundhouse Kick, a solid stare is his second choice. Again its effects seem to be his choice; some times it cures maladies from crossed eyes to severed limbs, other times it can cause heads to asplode.
- Frowning: Chuck Norris' frown is second to none, and is second only to that of Mr. T. Back in the Middle Ages, the Earth was orbited by a second moon until 1984, when Chuck Norris frowned extra hard at it and destroyed it outright. This event has been verified by an independent team of astrologers.
- Grinning: Chuck Norris was once attacked by a crocodile at Disney Land, Paris, on two separate occasions. Because he had been eating ice cream, he was defenceless but was able to grin the croc into submission. Chuck Norris usually restricts his grin to only the most deadly opponents as 9 times out of 10, it stuns his victim all the way to death. When Chuck Norris grins, a dying person’s life is saved. Ironically though, Chuck Norris only really ever grins when he kills someone.
- Beard: His beard has hypnotic and almost magical properties. But since Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in magic it doesn’t. Instead it is made out of steel wool able to protect him from a nuclear blast. His beard has been known to be all he has used in some fights, which is admirable.
- Cowboy Hat: he is seen with his Cowboy Hat at nearly all times, even when he is completely naked all but it. It is possible for him to take off his hat, he often does, but he decides to wear it for the same reason Indiana Jones does. It just looks totally badass.
- Saliva: Chuck's spittle is twelve thousand times the potency of the acid in the blood of Aliens. He once spit on Dick Van Dyke and the spit bubble melted through him, went through the planet earth and came out the other side where it caused the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.
- Crying: Chuck has the amazing ability to cure ailments by applying tears to the person. He can cure cancer, nay he can cure any illness known to man with his tears. Too bad he never cries. Ever.

Law and Order
Code names for his legs, Law=left and Order=right(Lawsuit with the popular television show who stole the name is pending). These are considered class S++ weapons, and no other gun or weapon known to man can possibly out gun or out destroy these two weapons. One of Law's toes is suspected to have caused hiroshima, and Order was the probable cause for Nixon's resignation.

Good ol' Chuck has made a few in his lifetime of over 6 billion years. The Grand Canyon: where he fought with the aliens who came to conquer primitive man.The Bermuda Triangle: where he hides his immortal heart from the world, it is protected by the leftover radiation of many roundhouse kicks. Austrailia: because Asia was just too big for his liking. Norris is also responsible for other worldly landmarks such as Saturn's Rings. Chuck ripped them from the planet's surface in a fit of rage and has left them as a reminder of his power. Also Pluto's demotion from a planet to a sub-planet is rumored to have been caused by Norris punishing it for skipping Neptune in line one too many times. Chuck Norris doesnt stand for anarchy.

Every baby ever born has 0.01% chuck in him. So we all are in his family, and escape is only possible by death. But only Chuck has the power of the roundhouse kick; if you attempt it, Chuck will materialize in front of you, atomize you with a blink, then erase your entire history. You will die, and no one will care.

Chuck is the leader of Chuckacolism (pronounced Chuk-A-cole-isem) his own founded faith, pronouncing Pieboy as God, Chuck himself as Jesus, and Adolf Hitler as the Holy Ghost. Chuck Norris claims that everything began with Pieboy. Pieboy demanded someone to bake him pie and thus created Chuck Norris. But Norris roundhouse kicked Pieboy in the face. The result was Marilyn Manson. Hitler only came into the picture when Chuck Norris cut a wart off his big toe using a chainsaw. There was a revolution in Pie Hill (the mountain in Hell where the Most Unholy of Trinities govern the world), and Marilyn Manson was sent into the world to create humans to bake Pieboy some muthafuckin pie because my 114-year-old grandmother can bake a better pie than Hitler--with both hands tied behind her back and cyanide as the main ingredient. The Apocalypse is allegedly coming when Hitler spreads the gospel of 'Tis the Season Motherfucker' in Chuck Norris' old paper route. As there were no survivors there, we can rest assured that everything will be alright as long as Pieboy gets his pie. It is unconfirmed that the supreme fiend Satan defeated Chuck Norris in poker in 1974, resulting in the paradox of 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?' and causing global warming. It is even more improbable because Chuck Norris and Satan have a pact against Hitler which began on the playground in third grade.
Supposedly, after words were exchanged, Satan and Chuck cracked their knuckles and Hitler began to fight with them. The result was the extinction of the dinosaurs. Hitler fled the fight and was not seen until Marilyn Manson signed a pact with him to fight the two heroes. Marilyn Manson reappeared in 1800 as John Brown. It is said that John Brown is the only man who could ever defeat Chuck Norris. However, Chuck Norris has never been beaten because when Manson-Brown beat him on September 11th, 1864, the beaten Chuck was blasted across a time-zone border and therefore it hadn't happened yet. This complete defiance of logic led into the dispute which is known today as the Civil War.

Chuck Norris and Pain
After hand feeding Jimmy Carter to a Crocodile and having his way with Raquel Welch, Jane Fonda, Eleanor Roosevelt, Hilary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher and in fact every other woman he came across, Chuck fell about to "hard drinking" (this was after it was made compulsory by law for all Hollywood actors) as described by Oscar Wilde, who was none other than Norris' drinking mate. The Tequila orgy lasted until Chuck's hard, purple, amazing, throbbing, expanding, stick-straight, amazing, thumb regained circulation after being caught in the cookie jar, which was well over a century and only after a surprise humiliation by Natalie Portman who gave him a heck of a beating leading him to shape up and train for 2 centuries after which he was invincible and inspired Richard Wagner to write a number of operas. Chuck used anger at his pain to bring the world the unique experience of a whole heap of pain.

Chuck Norris vs The Crab People
In 1525, in Kyoto, Japan, Chuck Norris went head to head against the Crab People. The battle began at 12:51PM and ended at 12:52PM, just seconds later. The fight between Chuck and the 1.2million Crab People was over a discarded piece of chicken. Chuck claimed it to be his, whilst the Crab People said they owned it.
The battle which actually happened in Japanese history consisted of the Crab People summoning a Giant Enemy Crab to quickly defeat Chuck. However, by flipping the NME crab over and switching his leg from "walk" to "kill" speed with real-time weapon change, he exposed and attacked the weakpoint for MASSIVE DAMAGE!
Chuck disposed of the Crab People in mere seconds, with just a headbutt, a super sonic burp, and one fatal roundhouse kick.
Decades later, the few remaining Crab People were used as a replacement for a patty in one of Chuck Norris' trademark "Human Skull Burgers."

Chuck Norris Haters
In the world of today there are many Chuck Norris haters who would rather suck George Bush's saggy shriveled breast than hear or read about him. These people are indigenous to America, Sweden, Africa, Michael Jackson's secret dungeon of "fun for children", Sweden, Australia, Germany, Sweden and Britney Spears' cleavage. Oh, and Sweden. Their reasons are very clear: They are sick of all Chuck Norris jokes and Texas Walker Wanker Ranger. In Conclusion their aim in life is to see Chuck Norris get owned and fucking pwned by the one and only Pikachu.
These people are in denial. They claim that people who enjoy Chuck's movies and jokes that live in the aforementioned places don't exist, and that if this applies to You then to please go and kill yourself in order to maintain universal stability.
They cannot accept the fact that Chuck Norris is one of the three overlords of the universe, (The Three consisting of Solid Snake, Mr. T and Chuck Norris) and that it is very likely that they will die by his hands one day, a one in three chance in fact. Counselling is advised for these people, who try to escape from reality, hoping that if they ignore the fact he exists that he will disappear. Chuck Norris is not Tinkerbell: ignoring him will only make him angrier. The only advice that can be given for these people is to try and get on with their lives, to try to live to the fullest, and to just accept the fact that their end will come in a swift and sexy roundhouse kick when they least expect it.

Chuck Norris and the Apocalypse
Recently discovered religious texts have discovered that Chuck Norris is destined to enter into an apocalyptic final battle with Kurt Cobain to determine who will be the ultimate power in the universe, as well as the rightful heir to inherit the position of God because, let's just face it, that guy's gotten lazy.
According to these texts, Chuck Norris and Kurt Cobain have been eternal rivals, their battles transcending time and space, causing such travesties as the Holocaust, the fall of the Roman Empire, The Extinction of Dinosaurs, The Deaths of Biggie and Tupac, MTV, and Paris Hilton. In recent times, Chuck Norris has claimed a victory over Cobain, causing him to flee into the afterlife and gather an army of demons clad in torn jeans.
It is unclear when this battle will take place, whether it be in a few days or millions of years from now. It is known, however, that when the time does come, the sky will turn red and split open, releasing a rain of fire and brimstone. The seas will melt away, and the ground will become devoid of plant and animal life. After 8 days and 12 minutes, the two will meet on a sacred battlefield, currently New Jersey, and their battle will last for months. Any man or woman that comes to close to this battle will instantly melt. Though it is not known who will eventually win this fight, it is known that the world will crumble into nothingness, and Saint Peter will be very pissed off at all the new arrivals at the Pearly Gates, claiming that he "...only had five damn minutes until his break."
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[11.28.2006 | 17:55 hours]
And yes, I did gank that from Uncyclopedia. Because it made me laugh so hard I almost cried. I wish I could take credit for it, but oh well.
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[10.28.2006 | 23:13 hours]
[ mood  |  cheerful ]

You know you wanna Weeeeeeee...

I mean Wii.

As in Nintendo Wii.

Go check it y0.

Just think, I might make you a deal since you be mah friend. ;-)

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THIS MADE ME ROFFLE [10.19.2006 | 20:37 hours]
[ mood  |  relaxed ]

"Wal-Mart has everything"

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
ten dollars... A lot cheaper than a doctor." So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

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This is for those of you like a certain incredibly sneaky lady I know (music lovers) [10.16.2006 | 00:17 hours]
[ mood  |  awake ]

What I Did:
Put your iTunes or equivalent on random.
Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
What You Do:
Match as many as you can.
Comment with number, song title, and artist.
Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
I'll strikeout stuff as people get them.
[This is hard enough to do with English music alone so I'll skip some songs so I can stick to one language.]

1. Marching forward hypocritic and hypnotic computers

2. I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

3. I've got no time to lose, I'm just caught up in all the cattle

4. I never ever meant to hurt you, I only did what I had to

5. [If you people don't get this one you need to hang yourself or something] Feel like I'm God, you stupid-dumbshit-Goddamn-motherfucker!

6. It's time to redfine your diephobic mind

7. Now that you're gone, I'm wasting away, the life has been siphoned right out of my veins

8. Heads on the mirror can't get much clearer, can't make this all go away

9. You don't know 'cause you're to busy reading labels; you're missing all the action underneath my table

10. Turn that trick to make a little lee-way, beat that nick but not the way that we play

11. [See prologue to number 5] No mommy, don't do it again, don't do it again, I'll be a good boy! I'll be a good boy! I promise! No mommy don't hit me! OW! Why do you have to hit me like that mommy?! Don't--do it! You're hurting me--OW! Why do you have to be such a bitch?! Why don't you--why don't just you fuck off and DIE?! Why can't you just fuck off and DIE?! Why can't you just leave me be and DIE?! Never stick your hand in my face again bitch! FUCK YOU! I don't need this shit! You stupid sadistic abusive fucking whore! How'd you like to see how it feels mommy?! Here it comes, get ready to DIE!! I know it was long but it was fun to type.

12. Then one day, I met a man, came to me and said yeah... "I look good, and I work fine, but first take care of head."

13. Heave the silver, hollow sliver, piercing through another victim; turn and tremble, be judgemental, ignorant to all the symbols

14. See the structure and demise, corruption in disguise, from this fuckin' enterprise, now I'm sucked into your lies

15. Until the day was done, and I sat in regret of all the things I've done

16. We'd show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along

17. You are the antidote that gets me by; something strong like a drug that gets me high

18. Sick and weak from my condition; this lust, this vampiric addiction; to her alone in full submission

19. Here we are again, just face-to-face, each other another day; who wins, who cares at all

20. I can't take pity on men of his kind, even though he now takes it in the behind

21. Look, listen to my voice, it was never my choice to feel all alone - this is my home

22. But you see, it's not me, it's not my family, in your head, in your head, they are fighting

23. The life, the love, you've got to heal, the hope that starts, the broken hearts, the trust, you must confess

24. Clip the wings that get you high, just leave 'em where they lie

25. Nothing! Yeah that's the only thing you're ever gonna fuckin' do

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Thousand Foot Crutch
Green Day
Drowning Pool
Utada Hikaru
Cradle of Filth
Ten Years
System of a Down
The Cranberries
Foo Fighters
The Offspring

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Talk about close to home [10.10.2006 | 00:22 hours]
[ mood  |  content ]


That, my friends, is some crazy shit. My school (and therefore my residence) is on Ocean Drive, for those of you that aren't from Corpus. Talk about whoa.

The concert pwned last night. I fucked my shoulder up in the mosh pit but it was worth it. It didn't hurt till this morning so I'm sure it's just sore. I wish the crowd had been more responsive though. No one started jamming until Staind - the headlining and therefore last band. Hinder pwned, although because I'd never actaully SEEN them before (no pictures, videos, nada) I kinda wasn't expecting the emo whore that is the lead singer. Not that I like them any less, I was just surprised that he looks nothing like what I guess I 'expected'. He still kicks ass though. THEY still kick ass. Ten Years was better this time around than they were at Family Values, but I guess it was just because I was a hell of a lot closer. Aaaaaand Blackstone Cherry only played like three songs, but everyone still liked them because they pwned. I'm glad, I knew about them before, woo-hoo! >_> Leamme alone, let me have my moment. Staind really was in a class by themselves though, everyone started jamming and moshing for them, and they played for like an hour and a half, and it was glorious. My shoulder speaks for itself. Mabel said she enjoyed herself too (her first massive, well-known bands rock show), so hopefully I can get her to go to Godsmack and Breaking Benjamin. Woo hoo!

There was a little BITCH behind me. I mean that literally, she had to be about 4'10". But like a little wiener dog, the smaller they are, the bigger the attitude. ::shrug:: If it had been a guy she'd have got popped though, for real.

Didn't mean to type this much. Mah bad.

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[10.08.2006 | 18:56 hours]
[ mood  |  anxious and mildly hungover ]

Dood. I got waaaaaaaaaay too wasted last night. I don't remember shit.

Blackstone Cherry and Ten Years and HIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNDER and Staind tonight. Rock out (with your cock out).

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Public Opinion Poll [09.23.2006 | 17:17 hours]
[ mood  |  curious ]

My hair is pissing me off. It's too long and I'm tired of wearing a hat everyday to keep it from flying around and looking terrible. Doesn't help that I only have three hats that I like to wear, and way too many different color shirts and stuff that don't look good with any of them. Long story short, it's getting cut.

Unless! I dunno, that last couple fo people I've asked about it were like "Noooo I like your long hair!" and shtuff and things. So yeah, I'm still thinking I'm gonna cut it, but maybe I won't cut it short to the point that I had it before I started school here in Corpus. So tell me people, what do you think?

This is what it looks like on a good day, when I actually manage to keep my hair in line.

This is what it looks like the other ninety-five percent of the time, when I just want to shave my friggin' head.

Aaaaaand this is just to show how long my hair actually IS, I had just gotten out of the shower and I combed it straight down. I never actually wear it like this, I comb it back.

I wanna know what ya'll think I should do, Tammy I know you want me to just chop it all off, yatta yatta yatta, be specific. Post pictures in your comments if you have to. Anyway, I have homework. I'm outs.

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[09.15.2006 | 00:50 hours]
Dude. People bitch and bitch and bitch about the stupidest things.

IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING WEBSITE. IF THEY WANT OR NEED TO CHANGE IT, BE GLAD THEY GIVE YOU AN OPTION AT ALL, YOU LAZY, INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE FUCKS. Jesus. People make the stupidest arguments because they don't like something. They don't give a shit what the other party is thinking.

I love wailing on people in comments on the news feeds on LJ's home page. :-)
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I've seen "Grandma's Boy" three times in two days. [09.10.2006 | 21:59 hours]
[ mood  |  content ]

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100%
Punctuation: 80%
Spelling: 80%
Vocabulary: 80%

Back in Corpus. I went to San Antonio. I haven't updated in a whike, so here we go:

- Still haven't gotten my loan. WTF.
- Mom gave me money, woo-hoo I finally got books and got to go grocery shopping.
- San Antonio was fun; Vanilla vodka is teh shizzle.
- Computer Science got dropped. Oh well, couldn't understand the teacher anyway. This puts me at 12 hours, with four three-hour classes. None of which are hard. Should be an easy semester.
- MONEY FUCKING DISAPPERED. What the deuce, somehow 400 dollars is gone. I KNOW I didn't use it. So WTF (again).
- I'm getting tired of the .kszjg.kj situation. It feels like I'm swimming and swimming and swimming and not moving a damn inch.
- Possible solution to the .kszjg.kj situation found. Will explore tomorrow in English.
- Speaking of, English is cool. Discussion classes, w00t w00t.
- New girl across the hall, her name's Katherine. HAWT.

Okay, I'm done.
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Oh shit, I'm actually doing it! [08.20.2006 | 02:59 hours]
[ mood  |  woo-hoo, I'm done! ]

Welcome y0. Knocking's optional.Collapse )

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Two in one day?! [08.17.2006 | 17:19 hours]
See you on the flipside.

I'm about to disconnect ERRTHANG and pack it all up, I think I'm going out tonight and all of tomorrow (until I leave) will be used to pack the car and clean up my room. I imagine there's a chance I'll be bored and end up hooking [at least] my internet back up once I get back to school, but hopefully I won't be bored because there is supposed to be fun-ness to be had with Mabel and/or Darnizzle. So yeah, lates, muthafuckas.
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[08.17.2006 | 12:36 hours]
I'm supposed to go back to school tomorrow, as long as the car gets out of the shop today like they said they would.

First, I haven't even started packing. I keep telling myself that it really won't take long, since I never really UNpacked anything except my gaming and computer equipment.... Well, and my clothes. And that's true. Except there's a bunch of stuff that needs to be re-organized, since it's all scattered amongst different boxes. So maybe it'll take a few hours after all.

Better get started.

I'm also trying to get around to cleaning the rest of the duct tape residue off The Tank, but since, like I said above, it's in the shop, I can't do that till at least tonight. And it's Rosie's birthday so we're gonna go out to eat and I don't think we'll be back before dark, which'll make it even harder to do.

Argh there's a lot of stuff I wanted to do still but on the other hand I can't wait to leave. Dilemma, thy name is school.
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[08.14.2006 | 23:33 hours]
Going to Guadalupe River tomorrow?

Who me?

Uh-huh. Anyone wanna go? You gotta chip in for gas.
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My shed-jule (Fall '06) [08.07.2006 | 17:11 hours]
Monday and Wednesday:
11:00-11:50 - General Psychology with Lewin
1:00-2:15 - Themes and Genres of English Literatures with Engelhardt

Tuesday and Thursday:
12:30-1:45 - Political Science [State and Local Government] with Bezdek
2:00-3:15 - Macroeconomics Principles with Benavides
5:30-6:45 - Data Structures with Li
7:00-9:00 - Data Structures Lab with Li (Thursday only)

11:00-11:50 - General Psychology with Lewin

The cool thing about Data Structures (Computer Science) is that there's only three other people besides me taking it with Li! Which means that A) it's gonna be hard to cheat ( :-( ) and B) We should get lots of individual attention ( :-) ). Yay.

16 hours, woo-hoo. And I must needs go eat at the present time, or I shall perish.
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What the fuck? [08.01.2006 | 17:49 hours]
Those of you that know I use a projector as my television "screen":

The sound just decided to albet die. I was just checking my email and I noticed the sound fading and fading, till finally it was gone. I turned the volume up all the way and now I can BARELY hear it. This is Grade-A, such-fine-quality-you-can't-even-buy-it-in-stores bullshit.

< /bitching >
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[07.29.2006 | 02:59 hours]
So I just spent the last hour making a MySpace for my dog. It's been a joke lately, so...yeah. It's badass. Go check it out. And add him. Or you're a whore.

View Profile

Anyway, I should probably go to bed now.
2 fallen angels | contribute to the ballad

[07.16.2006 | 21:25 hours]
[ mood  |  pissed off ]

Man, fuck this.

Tammy, take my word for it: You don't want to read this. In all seriousness.Collapse )

4 fallen angels | contribute to the ballad

That was a hellalong road trip. [07.11.2006 | 17:37 hours]
[ mood  |  bored ]

So I'm home.

I watched a shit load of anime over the last week, due mostly in fact to me being in the car for almost 45 hours. I have now finished Neon Genesis Evangelion in a single* sitting - which I've been meaning to do forever - and Angelic Layer. (Both of those are 26 episodes long, and I hadn't started EITHER of them prviously.) I finished Gantz although I only had two episodes left so that's not too impressive. I have also started Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi - funny - and managed to watch Karas twice more. Also of course watched Dodgeball (can't go on a road trip without it), plus Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Dude I love that portable DVD player.

My sister is now 1400 miles away and will be there for a long time. Damn.

I could have sworn I had more to say but I guess not. I need to play some games. Naruto!! < /geekdom >

*Actually two sittings, but only because we got to the hotel and restaurant so I had to stop to eat and sleep.

3 fallen angels | contribute to the ballad

[07.05.2006 | 11:27 hours]
[ mood  |  blah ]

Well I gotta go move my sister into her new apartment in North Carolina. That means, you guessed it, I won't be online for a while. A week, to be exact. Well I guess I'll talk to everyone later. Ciao.

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You could almost call this a secial post for Kiki [06.27.2006 | 09:51 hours]
[ mood  |  okay ]

It's been about three weeks since my last confession post, whoa there sorry I type things sometimes.

Anyway, there aren't really a lot of things to update about, at least that's what I've been telling myself, but I guess that's not really true. Mostly it's just laziness, it takes a lot of work to take fifty something photos from A-Kon and upload 'em one at a time into a post, then you gotta describe everything, and be like OH THIS WAS BADASS AND THAT WAS COOL AND SORRY BUT THAT KINDA BLEW, then there's all the effort it takes to remember the small stuff that I remember thinking "Oh I should post about this" when it happened and [Mortal Kombat] whoopsee! I made a run-on.

In reference to the title: I received a heart-warming message from the Kikster saying, if I remember correctly: [clears throat] "...and post in your LJ for the love of God."

That could be wrong because I just realized I logged out of MyWhoreSpace and I can no longer copy/paste the message in question.

It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, no really it did.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back to A-Kon. You know it really wasn't as great this year, the cosplay seemed a bit better, more cuties less fatties, and the two concerts were pretty kickass, but other than those two things it was a bust. (I'd never tell my mom this of course because she was so cool with our shenanigans the whole time. ::Does gangsta rep tap on the chest:: I love you, momma.) The dealer's room wasn't as great, the deals weren't as extraordinary, and DDR was a little whore because all they had was the Fourth Mix (surely you all understand what a travesty this was to me, but if not, ask and I'll divulge my passion upon thee). The gaming room was non-existant until Saturday, which was scary, but came through in the clutch since they opened it to being run by fans with GameCubes and PS2s and 360s.

PicturesCollapse )

5 fallen angels | contribute to the ballad

[06.05.2006 | 17:21 hours]
[ mood  |  amused ]


In other news, I cleaned my living room like crazy and moved furniture and stuff. It looks really good and much bigger now. I praise me.


1 fallen angel | contribute to the ballad

[05.20.2006 | 23:04 hours]
[ mood  |  aggravated ]

There's a girl that I have loved for years.

There's a girl I just met that I wish I could get to know and start a relationship with.

There's a girl that everytime she gets on my mind, I am almost completely over come with lust.

But none of them are the same girl.

And I just wish I had a chance with at least ONE of them.

Is it so God-damn fucking hard to ask to have one girl that I actually CARE about return feelings for me? What the fuck am I doing wrong? Fuck all the bullshit, fuck it all, I just want someone that I care about, and someone that cares about me.


And I have nothing else to say.

6 fallen angels | contribute to the ballad

[05.16.2006 | 00:36 hours]
[ mood  |  blank ]

Aaaaaand life is just grand ain't it?

Why? Why does it have to be like this? Jesus. Of course, it happens once I finally get my shit straight. Once I've put the last nail in the coffin, I realize the damn things aren't long enough, and those two years are about to pop out again.

The thing is, there's a huge part of me that is overjoyed and can't wait to let it blow that coffin to bits.

So why didn't I just do it?

Fuck you, Hollywood. Shit just doesn't go down like you say.

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[05.11.2006 | 12:05 hours]
[ mood  |  Stupid 'communication' ]

Looks like I'll be heading home today instead of tomorrow or Saturday. My momma be bitchin' because I "didn't tell her" I was gonna come home tomorrow (yeah uh-huh whatever). So sorry Darneezy, no club tonight, and sorry Mabel, I wanted to hang with you one more time before the Kon.

Everyone else I told I was gonna stay for a few more days, mah bad, but the parentals are kinda paying for all this so I guess I better oblige 'em, eh? Later ya'll, everyone be safe going home!


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So mercury_glitch did it a few days ago, and what? I can still gank it [05.08.2006 | 18:09 hours]
[ mood  |  haha ]

Get one of your own! by Drunken Hero

Stalked again, a rant by watashinokage.

windnie_kwabam is stalking watashinokage
windnie_kwabam’s REAL name : Wyman Waite
windnie_kwabam’s REAL DOB : 23rd March 1973
Height :188 cm Weight : 123.7 kg
windnie_kwabam has dreamt about you : 13 times
windnie_kwabam became interested in you : 12th March 2005
windnie_kwabam’s latest dream about you
You and windnie_kwabam are in a bar. windnie_kwabam carries you up onto the pool table and begins undressing you. windnie_kwabam starts to whip you around the ass with your own jeans.
This is how windnie_kwabam describes your relationship behind your back
‘We are still friends. I think. I hope. watashinokage told me it was him father’s idea to get the restraining order, so we’re cool’
windnie_kwabam’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
You know the way all of your baby teeth mysteriously disappeared? Well windnie_kwabam has them.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In the past year windnie_kwabam has spent their entire life savings on cosmetic surgery in an attempt to look more like you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
God want’s us to be together. He told me last night. He said that if you refute my love than I have the right to scald you with piping hot tap water.

The Police
No. calls to the police : 9 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police. Send someone around immediately, some bastardin peeping tom is staring in at me with binoculars. They are approaching my door. Hurry!"
windnie_kwabam’s Police File
Personally I think we should have shot windnie_kwabam whilst we had the chance.

Testimonies about windnie_kwabam
paprika09 - Nosy old hen
‘It just goes to show that the world is full of sick, twisted perverts. I’m gonna fucking kill windnie_kwabam!’
bizarro_audrey - Rotten heathen
‘Boring. I know watashinokage and windnie_kwabam really love each other. They are both just seeking attention. Just get married and stop the fucking games already! Jesus!’
kibean16 - Naked Meglomaniac
‘windnie_kwabam’s obsession with breastfeeding should have acted as an insight into their warped mind. I can’t believe I overlooked it for so long. Jesus.’
gamer_skank - Stoner of the crows
‘Fucking hell, in all honesty I’ve never met a bigger wanker than windnie_kwabam. Terrible person.’

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[05.01.2006 | 23:49 hours]
[ mood  |  cheerful ]

Dude I love this song.

But I love this icon more.

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[05.01.2006 | 19:07 hours]
[ mood  |  dorky ]

And so here I am. >_> Finals coming up, yay ah loves me some finals

History...as long as I have my usual little study group I'll be okay. Computer Science...if I could just get around to sitting down for a few hours and refreshing everything I'll be fine there too. Discrete Math, I dunno, final might be hard, but as long as I study all will be well, plus we have a project that's basically an easy A to help balance it. English is done, no final woo-hoo! Seminar, please, don't make me laugh. Public Speaking should be simple, the first test was, and I nailed all my speeches throughout the semester. And that's all... so the only two I worry about are Discrete and Com Sci. Figures, they're like the only two IMPORTANT courses I'm taking. >_>

Matt, I'll do your physics if you ace all my tests. ALL of them. Oh and

int ace;
ace >= 95;

That's C++ computer programming language for you. I'm out, bitches.

P.S. Legend of Max on heavy is my little beeeeeeeeeeeetch. I spank it and such. ::bows::

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[04.25.2006 | 16:19 hours]
[ mood  |  pissed ]


1 fallen angel | contribute to the ballad

[04.24.2006 | 21:18 hours]
[ mood  |  bored ]

I wanna go do something. Whatever it is, it's on me, so someone call! ::glares at people on his list::


::four hours later:: [Weird, bribery usually works.]

2 fallen angels | contribute to the ballad

[04.22.2006 | 14:15 hours]
Anime for sale, uber-cheap!!Collapse )
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終わりだ [04.19.2006 | 00:08 hours]
[ mood  |  disappointed ]


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[04.16.2006 | 23:10 hours]
[ mood  |  giggly (well, more like chuck-ly?) ]

::laughs:: Okay people. Here's your chance to punch holes in someone's* little fantasy, haha. Honestly, girls, if a guy were to write something like this to you, what would you do? Guys, would you say something like this? The guy talking has known the chick for a few months, I guess, and isn't particularly close to her. I really am curious!

"Hey. I was just thinking the other night and I realized something. They say you shouldn't let things like this slip through your fingers, so here goes. It's kind of random, I guess, but it hit me all the sudden how amazing of a person you are. I mean, I know we don't know each other well, and even worse, I know you're kind of crushing on someone else. But... I just thought that come next year, next semester, whatever, we may not see each other much, if at all, and I knew I had better just give this a try and hope for the best. I think that's always been my problem, I never just go for it, I always just sit in the background and... hope, I guess. I'm getting off topic. Look, I'd really like to get to know you better. I wish I had something to offer to make me a 'catch' but at the moment all I can say is that I really like you and I think it'd be great to take you out for a cup of coffee so we could just talk for a while."

*Names have been changed (haha just kidding there are no names)

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